Sorry, I just thought I would put that out there. I don’t like it, but I have a lot of friends who are gay. And they respect my opinion, as I do theirs.
yeah it does mean that
Lol wut? That…
when i started reading this i couldn’t help but find it humorous. all of you want people to respect your views, but you can’t respect hers?
then, i read some more, and i found people saying that her gay/bisexual friends probably aren’t her real friends.
and i also found that humorous, because that’s not how it is at all.
wanna know how i know?
because i’m her best friend, practically her sister, and i’m bisexual. she never makes me feel like i’m less than her because of my sexuality, and she never tries to tell me i’m wrong.
she simply doesn’t agree with gay marriage, those are her views.
i respect them, and she respects mine. simple as that.
I will give you a piece of unasked for advice, which you will probably ignore and that’s cool. I just kind of wish someone had told me this when I was younger, so I’m going to tell you for your reference and maybe it’ll be useful someday.
1. People who don’t view your rights as important are not actually friends.
2. This is not a two way street. Feeling that gay marriage should be legal isn’t the opposite of feeling that gay marriage should be illegal. The OPPOSITE view would be to feel that straight marriage should be made illegal, because straight people aren’t good enough/don’t deserve marriage. When you “respect someone’s opinion” about them finding gay marriage wrong, what they hear is “a gay person told me it’s okay to view them as second-class citizens, therefore it must be okay”. I’m not saying it’s your responsibility to correct that view, but I’m saying that’s how it’s interpreted, and that’s how it’s held up. Even in this post, she’s using the “but I have gay friends!” card to justify her homophobia, which is a load of crap.
3. You can still have friends even if you cut off people that don’t support you. People who don’t believe you deserve equal rights or who think that tolerating your existence is somehow worth a gold star are not actually supportive. There are other options.
That’s all I wanted to put out there. I’m not making this a back/forth, I don’t care about defensive responses, I’m just offering it up in the hopes it’ll be useful.
I wish someone had told me this years ago, too, because I used to buy into the whole liberal tolerance crap, the idea that I needed to respect views which (if everyone had them) would result in my rights being curtailed. Even as recently as 2008, I remember a girl in my school, someone I’d gotten along well with, WHO KNEW my sexuality, telling me she thought gay marriage shouldn’t be legal, and I was all “oh, agree to disagree I guess” and it never even occurred to me that this could be a game changer for friendship. But I’m so over that.
The “opposite” view would indeed be the idea that straight marriage should be illegal. If you believed that, would your friend still be your friend? Actually, this is not a good example, because there is no widespread movement to end straight marriages, and there are no images of gay people all over the news media, in wedding ring ads, with a big outcry against any picture of a heterosexual couple even so much as appearing in a JC Penny’s advertisement… but let’s say there were, and your friend lived in that atmosphere of erasure and intimidation, and you still believed that. Then your belief, no matter how nicely framed, would be an inherently violent belief. And that’s how all anti-gay marriage beliefs are. No matter how “nicely” they’re stated, they do place one orientation beneath another. No matter how kind the person otherwise is to you, her belief plays into a culture of homophobia and erasure.
There is no logical argument against gay marriage or gay rights, ever. Period. Full stop. I’ve been hearing people arguing against it for years, and I’ve never heard one single cogent argument for how it would hurt anyone (in fact, it’s odd to me that this has become a big running cry of fiscal Republicanism, because ThinkProgress reports stats that gay marriage has brought in more couple income/etc. and been economically good — SO ANY FISCAL ARGUMENT, like all others, is moot). Therefore, the only argument against it is one of kneejerk emotionalism. And because we’re talking about human partner rights and benefits, and a legal state which could mean the difference between your medical coverage being applied to your sick same sex spouse or your same sex spouse suffering in the absence of that, and very real world human consequences in the absence of marriage, then yeah, it’s a pretty inherently violent opinion to say same sex marriage should not be legal, and not something that is just “lolol whatever opinion you have is equally cool!!!11” like differences in favourite colours.